Darcy Swipes Left Read online

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Text copyright (c) 2016 by Penguin Random House LLC

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  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

  Hardcover ISBN 9781101940525 -- Ebook ISBN 9781101940532

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  v4.1

  a

  For Chelsea Eberly, freditor extraordinaire & Liz Tardiff, who makes all things possible

  --C.B.C.

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Who's Who

  Volume 1

  Volume 2

  Volume 3

  The 411 for Those Not in the Know

  Some Emotions You Might Find in This Book

  About the Authors

  Who's Who

  Mr. Bennet, master of Longbourn Mrs. Bennet, lady of Longbourn Jane Bennet, 1st daughter

  Lizzy Bennet, 2nd daughter

  Mary Bennet, 3rd daughter

  Kitty Bennet, 4th daughter

  Lydia Bennet, 5th daughter

  Mr. Collins, the Bennets' distant relative Mr. Gardiner, Lizzy's uncle

  Mrs. Gardiner, Lizzy's aunt Sir William Lucas, master of Lucas Lodge Lady Lucas, lady of Lucas Lodge Charlotte Lucas, Lizzy's BFF

  Fitzwilliam Darcy, master of Pemberley Georgiana Darcy, Darcy's younger sister Lady Catherine de Bourgh, Darcy's aunt and lady of Rosings Estate Colonel Fitzwilliam, soldier and Darcy's cousin George Wickham, soldier and Darcy's ex-BFF

  Mrs. Reynolds, Pemberley housekeeper Charles Bingley, master of Netherfield Park Caroline Bingley, Bingley's sister Louisa Hurst, Bingley's sister Mr. Hurst, Bingley's brother-in-law Colonel Forster

  Mrs. Forster

  Lieutenant Denny

  Mary King, Wickham's love interest

  - Volume 1 -

  Mrs. Bennet

  REPLY

  Lady Lucas: Duh, everyone knows that!

  Mr. Bingley has checked into Netherfield Park.

  Mrs. Bennet, Lady Lucas, and 20 others like this.

  Mrs. Bennet

  OMG, babe, guess who just bought Netherfield Park!

  Charles Bingley

  Mr. Bennet

  Single or married?

  Mrs. Bennet

  SINGLE!! Will you go see him?

  Mrs. Bennet

  Mrs. Bennet

  What?! Why not?!?!

  Mrs. Bennet

  Go without me. My fingers are crossed for Lizzy!

  Mrs. Bennet

  Lizzy?! But Jane's the prettiest! And Lydia's the most fun! I don't know why you Lizzy the most....

  Mrs. Bennet Mrs. Bennet took a quiz.

  Using one emoji, describe your daughters.

  Jane:

  Lizzy:

  Mary:

  Kitty:

  Lydia:

  Kitty likes this.

  REPLY

  Mrs. Bennet

  I'm so over Bingley!! He just moved in & it's all anyone talks about anymore!!

  Mrs. Bennet

  If I knew you were of him, I wouldn't have gone over there this morning.

  Mrs. Bennet

  WHAT?! OMG! Best husband everrr!!!

  Mrs. Bennet

  Lady Lucas, what did your husband say about Mr. Bingley?!?! I need details!!

  Lady Lucas

  Young! Handsome! Charming! #AllTheThings

  And that he'll be GOING TO OUR BALL.

  Mrs. Bennet

  OMG!!! We'll be there!

  Dancer

  Charles Bingley asks Charlotte Lucas to dance.

  Charlotte Lucas accepts. #SwipesRight

  Charles Bingley asks Jane Bennet to dance.

  Jane Bennet accepts. #SwipesRight

  Charles Bingley asks Jane Bennet to dance again.

  Jane Bennet accepts. #SwipesRight

  Charles Bingley suggests Fitzwilliam Darcy ask Elizabeth Bennet to dance.

  Fitzwilliam Darcy declines. #SwipesLeft

  Bingley: Darcy, c'mon! Ur really not going to dance with anyone?

  Darcy: Your sisters are all taken. None of these other girls are good enough 4 me.

  You got the prettiest 1.

  Bingley: I know, right? #SorryNotSorry

  Bingley: But her sister Lizzy seems cool.

  Darcy: Meh. Not hot. Besides, if no1 else wants her, why should I?

  Bingley: You are the WORST wingman.

  Jane

  Lizzy, dance w/ that hot guy Darcy!

  Lizzy

  Look at your Dancer feed. He's a jerk.

  Jane

  Maybe it was an accidental swipe left?!

  Lizzy

  Whatevs. I won't let a guy like that ruin my night.

  Mrs. Bennet OMG such a fun night! Bingley and Jane danced twice! Not the first dance (damn you, Charlotte Lucas! Lol jk jk). But still, TWICE! OH!!! And this other guy, Darcy, was a complete to everyone all night long. He didn't even dance with Lizzy!!! Lame!

  REPLY

  Mr. Bennet: Everyone please disregard the above. There's nothing to here....

  Jane

  Lizzy, I think I'm in love <3 <3 <3

  I can't believe Bingley asked me to dance--twice!

  Lizzy

  I can. Do you have any idea how pretty you are? Hint:

  Bingley's sisters, though...

  Jane

  Mrs. Hurst & Miss Bingley?

  Lizzy

  Yeah...#Yikes They think they're hot sh*t, huh?

  Jane

  Maybe they're not so bad once you get 2 know them.

  Lizzy

  Hopefully I'll never have to!

  Group text: Jane, Charlotte, Lizzy Jane

  Charlotte, Bingley danced with you first!

  Charlotte

  But he danced with you twice!

  Darcy really should have danced with Lizzy.

  Lizzy

  He had me on his Not Hot list, that's for sure. I needed an extra shawl for all that #Shade.

  Charlotte

  SMH. Ya, he's stuck up. But let's be real...he has reason 2 b, with his and everything else going for him.

  Lizzy

  I'd be cool with his pride if he didn't trample on mine. #HatersGonnaHate

  Mary Bennet

  REPLY

  Lizzy

  IDK why u play it so cool w/ Bingley, Jane. He's not going to know u him!

  Jane

  That's the whole point! Wait & .

  Charlotte Ladies, 9x out of 10, u should act more into a guy than u feel, to keep him interes
ted. That's the best way to it down. Happiness in is a matter of chance.

  REPLY

  Lizzy: You don't rly mean that.

  Charlotte: Yes & the less u know about a man before u , the better!

  Lizzy: Haha, or u could always play hard 2 get!

  I may have been wrong about Lizzy. The more I her, the more I'm into her . I have 2 find out more....Looking forward to the ball @ Sir Lucas's.

  Dancer

  Sir William Lucas suggests Fitzwilliam Darcy ask Elizabeth Bennet to dance.

  Fitzwilliam Darcy asks Elizabeth Bennet to dance.

  Elizabeth Bennet declines. #SwipesLeft

  Miss Bingley

  What's up, Darcy? Wanna get out of here?

  Darcy

  I've just been thinking about how much I a girl with a nice set.

  Miss Bingley

  EXCUSE ME

  Darcy

  Of . lol

  Miss Bingley

  Oh kk. Ha! Want a pic? bats eyes

  Darcy

  Yeah, if u have 1 of Lizzy.

  Miss Bingley

  Srsly?? I'll keep my out for your Save the Date.

  Darcy

  STFU

  Miss Bingley

  Jane, can u come visit Netherfield? We'd luv 2 u.

  Jane

  Yes! Be there asap.

  Jane

  Mom, can I borrow the carriage?

  Mrs. Bennet

  No. Go on so when it , they'll invite you to sleep over!

  Jane

  R u serious?

  Mrs. Bennet

  Completely.

  Mrs. Bennet

  Did Jane come back? No?! Great! My plan worked! Mwahahaha!

  Lizzy

  I hope she's okay.

  Mrs. Bennet

  I'm sure she's fine.

  Jane

  Omg, I'm so from being caught in the . Lizzy, will u come here?

  Lizzy

  OTW now! Hang on. xo

  Group text: Lizzy, Mrs. Bennet, Mr. Bennet Lizzy

  Mom, I'm going to see her. I'll walk if I have to.

  Mrs. Bennet

  What? You'll look like a disaster when you get there!!!

  Lizzy

  I don't care what I'll look like. All I care about is my sister!

  Mr. Bennet

  Are you sure, Lizzy?

  Lizzy

  Yes, it's only a couple miles.

  Lizzy has checked into Netherfield

  Jane likes this.

  FirstClassMD Update

  Jane has a "Violent Cold."

  Jane ...still sick...glad i have Lizzy by my side.

  Lizzy likes this.

  REPLY

  Bingley: Get better soon!

  Miss Bingley: Ugh. Being sick is the worst. I hope that never happens 2 me! Gross!!!

  Group text: Mrs. Hurst, Bingley, Darcy, Miss Bingley Mrs. Hurst

  Did u guys see Lizzy when she showed up this a.m.? Her had 6 inches of mud on it! Lolz.

  Bingley

  TBH, I thought she looked great.

  Miss Bingley

  Oh, come on. Darcy, tell him he's insane. #HotMess

  Darcy

  Actually, just #Hot.

  Miss Bingley

  Wutever.

  Mrs. Hurst

  She's nice, but her is a disaster & they don't have any connections. So sad!

  Miss Bingley

  They're sooooo poor, lolz. Thank goodness we're not poor!

  Group text: Lizzy, Miss Bingley, Bingley, Mrs. Hurst Lizzy

  Hey, Jane is . Where r u guys?

  Miss Bingley

  Playing s. We can deal u in.

  Lizzy

  No thx. I'm just gonna catch up on my reading.

  Miss Bingley

  Lizzy hates everything except reading.

  Lizzy

  ???

  Bingley

  Lizzy, feel free 2 borrow any book from my library.

  Lizzy

  Thx!

  Miss Bingley

  Our library is nowhere near as impressive as Darcy's. I know bc I've been there. BTW, Darcy, how's your sister?

  Darcy

  Georgiana is .

  Mrs. Hurst

  Um, guys, ICYMI I just played trump. Let's get back to cards! Team Hurst FTW!

  Bingley

  It's not about winning. It's about having fun!

  Miss Bingley

  rolls eyes GTFO.

  Miss Bingley Wut do men 4 in a woman? Wut does it mean 2 b accomplished?

  REPLY

  Mrs. Hurst: They should b good @ crafting, DIY, etc. You know, the usual.

  Darcy: If those are "the usual" skills every girl has, then why does that make them accomplished? Your standards r 2 low.

  Miss Bingley: She must also b good @ ....

  Lizzy: Is that all?

  Miss Bingley: She should have a certain something in the way she walks and talks...be expressive & well spoken. Etc.

  Darcy: And she should always want 2 better herself with .

  Lizzy: Good luck finding her!

  Mrs. Bennet, Kitty, and Lydia have checked into Netherfield.

  Mrs. Bennet The gang's all here! Hooray! Oooh, nice drapes!

  REPLY

  Group text: Mrs. Bennet, Miss Bingley, Lydia, Bingley Mrs. Bennet

  I can't believe my poor Jane is still so !!! She's been here for days now. I do hope Bingley's taking good care of my beautiful, sweet, very single Jane!

  Miss Bingley

  We are giving her the best care possible.

  Lydia

  bingley, when r u gonna have a ball????

  Bingley

  Oh, um, we'll figure it out when Jane is better.

  Miss Bingley

  Oh, Charles, u r so easy 2 sway. #PushOver

  Darcy Writing an 2 my sister, Georgiana.

  REPLY

  Miss Bingley: I the way u write s.

  Miss Bingley: U should write every everrr.

  Miss Bingley: Hellooo?

  Miss Bingley: Fine. I'm gonna play piano, then. Any requests??

  Dancer

  Fitzwilliam Darcy asks Elizabeth Bennet to dance.

  Elizabeth Bennet declines. #SwipesLeft

  Today was so weird. Miss Bingley showed off on the piano (so "accomplished"!), and Darcy asked me to dance again. Then I played the piano , and I'm % sure I caught Darcy staring at me while I was playing. WTF is that guy's deal?? No worries, bc Jane is almost better, so I can go soon!!

  Today was so awesome. Lizzy played piano 4 us & I totally stared @ her the whole time. She had no freaking clue. Man, I have 2 keep reminding myself that she is poor w/ no connections. FML.

  Jane Finally back 2 normal!!! Thanks everyone 4 the well wishes. xox

  Lizzy likes this.

  REPLY

  Mrs. Bennet:

  Mrs. Bennet: I mean yay!

  Bingley: Come hang out w/ us downstairs!

  Group text: Miss Bingley, Lizzy, Darcy Miss Bingley

  Lizzy, let's go for a walk around the room.

  Lizzy

  Why?

  Miss Bingley

  Darcy, won't u come?

  Darcy

  I know u r only going 4 a walk so I can get a better view.

  Darcy

  REPLY

  Lizzy: Sweet weakness. I'll keep it in mind for job interviews.

  Darcy: Don't hate. There's something wrong w/ everyone.

  Lizzy: Me? Hate?? U r the one who chooses 2 hate everyone, my friend. #SeeAbove #SlowClap Darcy: And u r the 1 who chooses 2 the in me always.

  Lizzy: Touche.

  Lizzy leaves Netherfield tomorrow. Not sure how I feel about that. I hate 2 admit it, but she's kinda growing on me. Plus, it's hysterical 2 c Bingley's sister freak out. She's insanely jealous. (Or maybe just insane?)